MARRIAGE THAT WORKS
If you have had to miss a week or you would like to review a past week, we will be posting all of the Wednesday night sessions right here on this page!
In Session 1, Ben introduced us to the Gottman "Sound House" model of marriage building.
We discussed the "4 Horseman of the Apocalypse" when it comes to the 4 destructive behaviors that predict divorce with 96% accuracy.
Ben also imparts the gift of hope because no matter where you are starting out, these tools will improve your relationship once they are understood and applied.
In Session 2, we discussed gentle startups and the "Conflict Blueprint." This shows us that when it comes to conflict, Listening is actually a more important focus than Speaking.
We talk about ways to maintain a calm and productive atmosphere while working through conflict.
One of the key takeaways from today is the challenge that when you are in conflict, your goal as a listener should be to summarize the speaker’s perspective (to the speaker’s satisfaction) before you attempt to share your side.
In Session 3, we talked about the DREAMS that underly our greatest passions.
When we back up from the conflict and we try to understand each others hopes, dreams, and fears, we can realize that there is a lot more going on than simple stubbornness or selfishness. Maybe, under it all, there is a dream that you might actually want to fulfill.
We also talk about the importance of having some give and take, making sure you and your partner both feel like your dreams matter to each other.
Session 4 is all about YIELD TO WIN: “Compromise with me like I’m someone you love.”
Some issues cannot end in a win-win. Sometimes it's a win-lose scenario but our goal as a team is to make sure that both of you feel like you can get your way at least some of the time.
When we are conscious of each other's dreams, we can graciously yield to the dreams of our partner, knowing that we are laying down our wants and our dreams for the sake of the person we love.
Session 5 is about how to recover from a fight.
1. Feelings: Share how you felt, don’t share why YET.
2. Realities: Describe your “reality” or perception.
3. Triggers: share what experiences or memories you’ve had that may have escalated the interaction.
4. Responsibility: acknowledge your own role in contributing to the situation.
5. Constructive Plans: plan a way to make it better next time.
Session 6 is all about Love Maps.
As we ask questions and learn about our partners, we begin to gain an understanding about how to navigate another person’s thoughts and emotions.
People change over time and so do our love maps.
Always remain a student of your partner.